I am grateful
Of course I am
How could I forget air rushing out
of every sun kissed pore as I swore
through ecstatic tears - I'll cry
every day for this
Hindsight is a useless gift and I
didn't see that the sun's kisses were indeed
only skin deep
and I had a long road ahead
A road in which I pulled my mother by her hand
She ran with me of course
As hard as she could
As fast as she should
as ou can imagine there was no
sun to kiss us
I don't show my gratitude with tears
She's tires of running, of gasping, of pulling me up whilst I was no longer on my feet
when I needed dragging through agony by my yellow fingers and swollen stomach
when the slick sweat of survival made her
hands slip, all she could do was pray to Gods she didn't believe in and
hold on tighter
so now, instead of blinding ecstasy
where only I can see the light I use
caution
Caution is swinging my legs out of
bed for school even when the wall
next to it stares back at me with
fears of lost hopes and broken
dreams, caution is wiping off the
fake smile and false optimism
with my friends and letting them
see and love me regardless, caution
is the aching weight of walking into
that clinic of eyes too kind and children
too tired to check whether shitting
into a bag attached to my insides was my self induced future
Caution is courage. Caution is
vulnerability. Caution is not the
failures, but the inevitable growth
that comes from them.
you can't reap from those
who sowed you when you cut
yourself down again and again and
again. You share the crops. You
share the growth.
Your cuts are never just your own
and gratitude for your happiness is
not yours to keep.