I remember the last time we went on one of our epic walks.
We crossed the bridge by the old burnt out scout hut, where we used to drink bottles of 20/20 and smoke soap bar.
It's funny how me being on a bridge always made you smile
"A Bridge on a bridge" you'd laugh
"You couldn't come up with something so preposterous!
I find it quite ridiculous
This might even cause a paradox"
"Unlikely", I said
"I don't think you really understand what a paradox actually is"
"I've got a joke about a Paradox"
You said with all the
Glee of a child
In your eyes
who's about to tell the "what's brown and sticky" joke for the first time
"I know, I've heard it a dozen times before
"the words kinda fell short
as you continued
"Where do twin boats sleep?"
"A pair of docks" you said
Yeah, I know
But I've got one for you
"What's both big and small
At the exact same time???"
Not even going to try
"A large egg"
You're an idiot you said
And twatted the back of my head
And ran off kicking the shit out of the flower beds
That we were walking towards
And at that point I couldn't have thought
That the time we had together was borrowed and not bought
Because the darkness that you kept
Was something that you couldn't hide
You tried to push it back
But it ripped away at you inside
And then it all just kinda got on top of you, didn't it?
And I couldn't even begin to blame you
I, more than anyone knew exactly what you went through
All the things that he would do
When you were in the safety of your own room
Did you know that
He took his own life only months after you
I'm fucking glad he's dead
I just wish I could have been there when his wrists ejected the red
But more than that
I just wish you were still here
Not even here here
As I doubt we'd even be friends today
But I'd like to tell you all of the things
That you were right about
Like, how badly the new star wars movies sucked
How I did end up happy with life
That I did finally meet the girl of my dreams
Faith no more did eventually get back together
But then, there's plenty of shit that you was wrong about
And if I had a way of telling you, I'd be all smug and that!
Like how I still like turtles, racoons and Thundercats
How I still think that Robin
Is better than the bat
So yeah, I just wanted to write a little something to say hi
I knew you for about 18 months
I've mourned you on and off for 16 years.
You were a good friend but a fucking liability
I think Dean Learner said it best with "she was like a candle in the wind, unreliable"
All I know is my truth and at 16 I was in a substance induced psychosis...and I got this
Have you ever been so aware of you self that you felt like you've lost your self?