I thought we were going to have so much fun
Living close to each other, it has been so long
I never wanted to take over your life
But I did hope you could convince your wife
That I am a good person, a kind person
Not one to be rejected or ignored
But that didn’t happen and I am so sad
In the worst of times, I admit to feeling mad
I never understood your lack of involvement
That relationship needed help in resolving
I feel very left out and have an ache in my chest
So many things to be said but no permission to express
If I cannot explain myself, how are they to know
That I am a whole person and not a dumb show
I never yelled but there was no room to explain
She was a freight train and I was to blame
Other times, too, where the sword didn’t fit
That doesn’t seem to matter, I am always the misfit
She never spoke to me during all of graduation
What was so wrong that I deserved such communication?
The fault lay with me but with no understanding
And there I sat, feeling more and more stranded
Why can’t we talk about the sins of transgression
It can’be that hard to find the words of expression
I dreamt that I would be a bigger part of your life
A Mom and a Grandma bringing joy and not strife
But that is not how it turned out to be
And my insides feel like a dead sea
What to do I ask myself daily?
Go away somewhere but what about Brady?
And where would I go, I will be just as lonely
But this pain is so bad, it is eating me slowly
I gave him so much, loved him so deeply
Why am I only welcome biweekly?
I thought the love came back around
When parents got old and were not so sound
But I must have erred, must have been mistaken
I was not prepared to be thus forsaken
My tears and my sorrow only make things worse
The reactions I receive are usually adverse
The words they must stay stuck in my throat
While I try to learn to live like an anecdote
gph 12/14/2018