Home » Charts » Poetry » Smog

Smog

Elude me. Maybe become something, perhaps somewhere far. If I could reach out and touch the hands on the clocks, maybe then I could go back in time to when we were closer. Like the laughter that was made within. I am ashamed. Who have I become? How have I come to so far? I breathe alone and in only my space I live. Where am I? Heaven or Hell? Or am I standing on the reality of existence. I am slowly fading in and out. It’s a weird feeling, kind of silly. But, I find joy in it. Overflowing with good things, no bad things. I have no worries here. We wouldn’t understand, because we never did. We were blessed! Our pain was not as great! We came into this world surrounded with love as bright as the morning star. A light we always latched onto, forfeiting the darkness of the world. But, we found it elsewhere. The one that can kill you. One as dark as a piece of coal in a train going absolutely nowhere. It froze our heart more than we ever knew at the time. We were unaware of the damage we were doing by indulging the coal. So little respect and the lack of care to our wellbeing. How many times have we lied? There is so much smog in the sky! Just how much is there! So much that we cannot see. Our broken memories scattered out in the lonely sky. We compare ourselves to space. Expanding, vast, and light years away. We gave but we always took. We never had patience. Like the moon, we danced for you and around you. We are cold and we have no life. We are no star and if we could control the tides of your life, we would have left you drowning. As we have done to others. Drowning is the feeling of going under. Eyes are looking down into the water and the taste of salt fills the mouth. We wish to breathe. But the feeling of remorse, the feeling that we could have and should have stayed. But we are gone. We stand in an ocean of serenity we cannot drown ourselves in. We see it once more and our heart pounds. We remember the first time. We got so nervous yet so happy. We were shown how to have a great time. A new experience with the world we only knew. Until, we got used to that world. We didn’t want to be frowned upon. We could’ve gotten our act together but yet we did not. We gave into looking at what we wanted to see, shutting ourselves in our vacant space. I chose a path that was not my own. Society. What we find intriguing more than our own worth, sometimes. Something we can now never turn our eyes away from. The static. We lost ourselves in it. The freedom itself and of course the static we all watched it and thought like it. Nothing but a mindset, a lost channel on an old TV. I was guided out of this mindset a while ago. But, we are not sure where to go next. I remember then but not now. Time has stopped. How far did you go to make my heart feel so heavy? I can feel myself growing in pain and exhaustion. Reality is unfair. I am unfair. And the world is nothing but the womb of chaos. No hero to kill this beast. I chose to consume it. To accept as my world. You know that if you constantly withhold emotions, you die into a sea of unhappiness? Losing color transforming like the rest. But I was not like this, you see, I had layers. Colors that made up more than just my outside shell. I was black inside and out, a color that consisted of all. Please make up the shadow that was my being. My elegance, my humanity, and my warmth that I now miss. If I could grant a wish, I would want to be swept back up by that innocence. To be reborn, like a baby chick breaking out of its shell of naiveness. In a world where I am happy. Does it even exist? Free from pessimism? A special rebirth for me, even if I have not earned it. We dreamed of being smog in the sky. Spreading toxins into the earth, hurting the people. I was the people. You choked me to death but I would have done the same. Smoke everywhere, so much that it is now my sight of life. I can no longer tell the difference anymore and it is only me alone to face the consequences. I was a fool to ignore them. A fool for even trying to glorify it. Reality is not simple. I have now come to understand this. The walls are moving, my time is close. I must see the concept I have marked as my greatest enemy. Happiness. Something that I will never have in a world where relationships are so special and cherished I become envious. I hate it more than anything. That fact that I cannot be happy for others. I want to forget it all to try to be happy. But, I have stepped out of my space and I cannot escape it. I have crossed the bridge and I see it, we see it. We are drifting further and further away, a heart splitting. My heart that being. And even the only thing I had left to offer was not enough. My efforts. My faith. My reality. All shattered. Yes, I know. I always knew that with the decisions I took that what we had would be no more. But for it to end so painfully.. I promised myself that I would change. Why didn’t I? I let myself down. Without you, without that innocence, it is hard to breathe. To speak or to even eat without a release. It hurts and I want the darkness to take me away. Everyday, we imagine a world which we are aware of but no longer exist in. There is no more smog. What a waste of time.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related entries

Because Angels Are In White…

The poem is on Doctors who were heroes to us in the time of Covid-19

The Book is Being Written

How we observe and how we reflect.

The Dreary Faceless

The observations and reflections of a traveller in a foreign land.

The Model House

The facades of a perfect home.

The Woman Who

This peom is about a woman in my life, who is suppose to be there for me but is not.